


Want you back, even if you were never mine.

by mkhhhx



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Capslock, Confusing, Inspired By Tumblr, Kinda happy ending?, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Poetry, Sad, Sad and Beautiful, i guess, only a bad word
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-14
Updated: 2016-09-14
Packaged: 2018-08-15 02:29:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8038675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mkhhhx/pseuds/mkhhhx
Summary: Hoseok and Kihyun spend their nights together retracing their past and comforting each other.





	Want you back, even if you were never mine.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm still in my sad-poetic mood and I thank the heavens for my beta, who keeps me motivated to keep writing ~  
> Although it may be somewhat confusing, I liked how this one turned out and decided to upload it. :3

“so won’t you pull me closer  
kiss me faster  
take me to your happily ever after”  
“what?”  
“his poem”  
the hand unbuttoning his shirt stopped  
“let’s not do this”  
Hoseok nodded  
he understood  
“do you think of him when we…”  
he regretted asking  
he already knew  
Kihyun was already dozing away  
they were both doing wrong  
instead of trying to fix things  
or fix themselves  
they kept fucking it up more  
he didn’t want to do this anymore  
not with this person  
they were just licking open wounds  
infecting them more  
__________________________________________________________________________________  
he thought of that night yet again  
he was so happy  
so, so extremely happy  
a feeling long forgotten   
when he ran outside   
shivering from the cold  
in his pajamas  
flowers on one hand  
the other messing with his hair  
the 15th of January  
it would have been their anniversary too  
they had already brought him a cake  
but Wonho wanted to give him something special  
himself  
he waited outside the building  
only a few people walking around, talking, waiting  
he saw the man getting dressed  
he would be out there soon  
he looked at the flowers  
shook the snow away  
stood still when the slim silhouette appeared  
watched him move  
fascinated just like the first time  
but the more he watched  
the more it hurt  
because the man walked up to a girl  
hugged her like he never hugged him  
kissed her under the falling snow  
when he took a step away to catch her hands   
it already felt like a dream  
when his hands gave up on holding the bouquet   
when he gave up on holding himself up  
the flowers fell on the pavement  
he fell too  
he didn’t notice the pain  
he didn’t notice the snow  
it was only his heart shattering   
he didn’t notice the shouting  
when Hyungwon found him almost dead  
coming back after three hours  
the game was already lost  
__________________________________________________________________________________  
Kihyun passed him some tea  
“Can’t sleep?”  
they rarely waited answers from each other  
they had a unique way of caring  
the small man looked tired  
lost in his own thoughts  
patting his own chest lightly  
as to feel his heart  
but it was not there  
__________________________________________________________________________________  
he was used to being called hyung often  
in a low baritone  
but a childish voice  
Changkyun wrapping strong hands around him  
his eyes lighting up like fire with every touch  
his voice sinking lower and lower with every moan  
and one night  
so quietly and softly  
he muttered three words under the blankets  
and Kihyun didn’t know what to do  
so he denied it  
he left   
he didn’t look the younger in the eyes  
neither when he was found crying  
in front of an unfinished song  
neither when he slipped and messed his leg  
when his part of the song was over  
he only looked at him again  
singing the unfinished song he found  
in front of their fans  
in front of their families  
and he was kneeling  
crying from happiness one would suppose  
but he knew better  
as he was asking for forgiveness  
__________________________________________________________________________________  
and when he finally opened his eyes again  
his shirt damp  
his eyes swollen  
his cup untouched  
instead of Hoseok someone else facing him  
he was dreaming  
he knew   
reality wouldn’t feel like this  
terrified and amused  
to hear this   
“Hyung”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading~  
> My tumblr if you ever want to share some thoughts : https://www.tumblr.com/blog/marilenastam


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